I listen to a lot of music, a wide variety, and there is typically a reason I listen to a certain song, today I'm listening to Mat Kearney's new album called Just Kids. Mat Kearney is my all time favorite artist, his music has always had a good message for me. His words have meaning. I love the beats in his music, and I love the laid back sound. Today while listening "Los Angeles" which sounds like a song about how he started in the music industry, I started to think about how I feel like I'm meant for a more. What do you do when you know you're meant for more but aren't quite sure what that more is and how to know? I want to be more brave to do more with my life. There's a lot of times that I feel a bit caught in between a space I can't get out of. For instance I'm still in school.....10 years out of high school and STILL in school, and before I always had the mentality that my life will start when I finish school and can have a career that means something. I have lost that mentality (which is a good thing considering) I like to live in the moment more and stop waiting, but then I still feel a bit stuck. Like I can't do more than I'm already doing, yet I feel like what I'm doing is not enough. I don't know if what I feel will ever come of anything but I do have things I want to work on. I am confident it will sort its self out but I do not have patience.
I've gotten into the habit of getting up 1 hour before my husband and *fingers crossed* two hours before the kids. I'm a morning person and crave that time to sit and think and drink my coffee. I can see out of the kitchen window, where I sit to write my post, the sun is just about to come up. I'm so tired, Grant nursed a lot through the night last night, which he's been doing more frequently, but I feel good that I'm up and getting ready for the day. Motherhood has changed since Easter. Easter day Grant started to crawl forward, I say that because for weeks he would crawl or slide backward but showed no signs of going forward until Easter. He loves to explore and doesn't need to sit in my lap all day. Not that I've gotten anything done, I just love to sit and watch him and Tucker interact. Its bittersweet, my arms feel free, but I'm starting to think I"m more attached than my kids. I miss him sitting in my arms and looking at me most of the day....
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