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Just call me Scrooge

There's a lot of pressure to start traditions and to have your home decorated in Christmas décor and to be excited about Christmas. Here I am 5 days away and I'm that person that just really isn't into the hype. I'm not a super materialistic person, nor do I buy into getting your children everything they ever dreamed of. My kids are small so maybe I will be more into Christmas when they're old enough but right now I feel like a scrooge. I didn't have Christmas traditions growing up and I remember waking up early to open gifts from "santa" and it was fun but Christmas time was not a great memorable time for me. I want it to be a great time for my boys and something to look forward to but I'm debating even telling my kids about Santa Clause. All I can think is they will know I lied to them when they find out there isn't a Santa clause. I can't remember when I found out there wasn't a santa, I had older cousins who must have broke it to me, but I can't remember. Anyhow back to this time of year. Things I like: Christmas lights, ice skating, hot cocoa, snow, and twinkle lights in the house. What I do not like is the pressure to put up this extravagant tree and to buy gifts for every kid in your family, knowing they have anything they want to begin with. Also for some reason Christmas dinner with the my husbands whole family gives me anxiety. I love them all but all of us together is a little tough to handle. I've had a lot of negative reactions to gifts I've gotten my niece and nephews in the past, comments such as "Is that all" and "If it's not a game ($80) I don't want anything", the gifts are a lot of pressure. This year we decided not to buy any adults gifts since we have so many kids to buy for. So then you rush around trying to find gifts for little ones, I actually do not like to give gift cards and money, it's impersonal and not fun to watch their reaction. But when you're forced to buy a picky person something, that's what you resort to. Also lets talk about gifts for the spouse, all year long we buy what we want, it's impossible to surprise them with something great that is also out of the blue, impossible. Then they get mad if you spend too much money on them, it's a balance that takes a lot of energy and thought. This time of year is suppose to be fun and happy, lately I don't feel any of that. Maybe it's the lack of energy from raising two kids under two, maybe it's my need for everything to be perfect and it is particularly NOT perfect around the holidays and maybe it's just me. I'd like for my little family to have traditions and make this a holiday that my boys look forward to and not dread (like me) and I will try to do that but I also want to teach them it's not about the presents, that will be tough, they're kids. anyhow...until next time.
-Scrooge

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