Tucker still cries...a part of me hoped by the time he turned 5 months old he would have grown out of it, but I hope that every day, week, month. There are days that he goes without crying or resisting sleep, those days are few and far between but they happen, just often enough to keep my sanity. Tucker also does not sleep through the night. I understand that many many babies do not sleep through the night, and even a doctor (not a pediatrician, a fellow parent with a 6 month old) told me to not expect him to sleep longer than 4-5 hours at a time. But with babies around me that sleep through the night I can't help but compare. Tucker does not wake up to eat most often (he has a set alarm in his belly to wake approximately at 4:30am to eat most days), he just wakes up crying every 10-15 minutes after he's been put down. This is tough on an already exhausted parent who lays down in bed and just as you close your eyes to sleep hear your baby crying. Then once he's asleep sometime she wakes every two hours crying.
Anyways the questions I have been wondering lately is: Who would I be if Tucker never had these colic-y crying spells, if he slept more often? Would I be different as a mom? Would I be more like my old self? Would I have persisted in breastfeeding and won? Would I have more time to make homemade baby food? Would I have already taken Tuck on a hike (like I always dreamed of doing when I was pregnant, sticking Tuck in a baby carrier and showing him nature) All of these questions are irrelevant and something I feel ashamed to even type but my guess is that every mom who has a fussy baby who doesn't sleep as much has the same thoughts, but the reason I was hesitant to even put these thoughts out there is because it would suggest life could be better when actuality I don't think it could. Yes Tucker could cry less and sleep more but I am so happy with our little family life I couldn't imagine being happier. I get tired and sad sometimes when Tucker cries but when he smiles or reaches for me, there is no feeling like it. Lets me know I am doing exactly everything right, even as much as I second guess myself. So I trek on and keep on loving my baby to death and push these thoughts out of my head because I know that life is exactly how it is suppose to be. I am constantly thinking "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" :)
Thanks for reading!
-B
Anyways the questions I have been wondering lately is: Who would I be if Tucker never had these colic-y crying spells, if he slept more often? Would I be different as a mom? Would I be more like my old self? Would I have persisted in breastfeeding and won? Would I have more time to make homemade baby food? Would I have already taken Tuck on a hike (like I always dreamed of doing when I was pregnant, sticking Tuck in a baby carrier and showing him nature) All of these questions are irrelevant and something I feel ashamed to even type but my guess is that every mom who has a fussy baby who doesn't sleep as much has the same thoughts, but the reason I was hesitant to even put these thoughts out there is because it would suggest life could be better when actuality I don't think it could. Yes Tucker could cry less and sleep more but I am so happy with our little family life I couldn't imagine being happier. I get tired and sad sometimes when Tucker cries but when he smiles or reaches for me, there is no feeling like it. Lets me know I am doing exactly everything right, even as much as I second guess myself. So I trek on and keep on loving my baby to death and push these thoughts out of my head because I know that life is exactly how it is suppose to be. I am constantly thinking "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" :)
Thanks for reading!
-B
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